Make a - sign

... post something.

In case of physiology...

_{i dunno what that means}

"Physiology (from Greek φύσις, physis, "nature, origin"; and -λογία, -logia, "study of") is the science of the functioning of living systems. It is a subcategory of biology. In physiology, the scientific method is applied to determine how organisms, organ systems, organs, cells and biomolecules carry out the chemical or physical function that they have in a living system."

In case of wikipedia disappearing...

Cry like a bitch, seriously I would

In case of one idiot who doesn't ask a question in his post

... kill him.

In case of the body being found...

..Run

In case of being caught...

_{I can answer this myself ya-know}

Kill the person who found in and eat the corpse
Kill you, witnesses and eat the body

In case of being considered a violent and insane sociopath

...Shrug it off, or just kill them.

In case of grocery shopping brawl...

... get the coconuts, those are the best weapons.

In case of 1000^th post...
_{Congratulations, Vee. Now excuse me, I'm late for my group work...}

Get ideas from hot fuzz
I asked the same question so continue from mine ;)

In case of reaching 1000 posts
well done

_{*Bows* Thank you, Thank you.}
...invite everyone to celebration party for the hell of it.

In case of acting on impulse...

Have a party!

In case of not being invited to the party...

Throw your own.

In case of not being invited to YOUR own party.

Sulk, and sulk, and sulk until you let yourself in

In case of sulking small child...

Stop sucking him.

In case of a goat I have yet to kill...

Kill it.

In case of deeeeeeeath....

Ask for a 'res'.

In case of your milkshake gaining sentience...

RUN!!!!

In case of milkshake catching you.

Use my never failing LHFE.

In case of your legs losing sentience...

...drop the butcher knife.

In case of hands becoming sentient and threatening you with that butcher's knife...

Bite em off.

In case of face becoming sentient....

eat your own face

In case of impossiblility...

...let it not occur.

In case of "do not want!"...

Suicide.

In case of Mexican attack...

...launch the Burritos.

In case of a Haunted House...

...get a priest.

In case of angry kittens...

Laser em.

In case of hunger...

...eat the remains of the Laser'd Kittehs.

In case of Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh Hooooooooooooooooooooo.

uhm, wtf?

In case of polio....

...become angry.

In case of lazorz...
Edit: ninja'd but it works.

...direct them at c0d3m0nk3y.

In case of Guy Love..

...stab disaster in the face because it's his fault

In case of Disaster being stabbed in the face..

Laugh maniacally. That was the 'plan'.

In case of mortals finding my 'plan'...

...make sure you confuse them with a riddle.

In case of an unanswerable Riddle...